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What inspired you to start Sexcessful Business Coaching and Velvet Lips?
Velvet Lips was born out of frustration and love at the same time. I was tired of seeing people struggle in their relationships and pleasure because they’d never been given honest, shame-free, culturally relevant information about intimacy. As a Black queer femme, I also didn’t see my communities reflected in most mainstream conversations about sex. Velvet Lips became my way of blending scholarship, seduction, and social justice—teaching people how to claim their desires while dismantling the shame that never belonged to them in the first place.
Sexcessful Business Coaching grew from a different but related pain point: I kept meeting brilliant sexuality professionals and pleasure-centered entrepreneurs who were incredible at their craft but struggling behind the scenes with business, money, and systems. I knew if we didn’t get more sustainable and financially stable, the entire ecosystem of sex-positive education would suffer. So I created Sexcessful Business Coaching to help us become liberated and lucrative—because changing the world is a lot easier when your bills are paid and your business is thriving.
What do you love most about being a sex educator?
I love watching people’s faces when the light bulb goes off—the moment they realize, “Oh, I’m not broken. I’m actually normal, and I deserve pleasure.” That never gets old.
I also love that my work lives in the intersection of so many things: psychology, sociology, race, gender, kink, business, and joy. I get to help people become more honest, more compassionate, and more powerful in their bodies and relationships. Seeing those micro-shifts turn into macro-changes—in their partnerships, their families, and their communities—is exactly why I keep doing this work.
What would you like folks to know about you?
I’d like people to know that I’m equal parts nerd, heaux, strategist, and softie. I’m deeply academic and deeply embodied. I care a lot about evidence-based approaches, but I also care about what your body, your lineage, and your lived experience are telling you.
I’m a Black queer femme, a mama, a business owner, and a dungeon owner, and I hold all of those identities with a lot of intention. My work is about pleasure, yes—but it’s also about liberation, legacy, and making sure marginalized folks see themselves as worthy of tenderness, power, and prosperity.
Is there something you wish more people knew about intimacy? If so, what?
I wish more people knew that intimacy is not just about what happens in bed. Intimacy is how you talk to each other, how you repair after conflict, how you listen when someone is vulnerable, and how you honor your own boundaries.
Also: intimacy doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version. You are allowed to want slow, quiet connection. You’re allowed to want wild, kinky, theatrical connection. You’re allowed to want both—or neither—and change your mind over time. Intimacy is a practice, not a performance.
Can you tell me about your event, Sex Down South?
Sex Down South is a conference and community gathering I co-created in Atlanta to center the voices and experiences of the South, especially Black, brown, queer, trans, kinky, and non-traditional folks who are often left out of mainstream sex-ed spaces.
It’s a multi-day event filled with workshops, keynotes, performances, parties, and dungeon play. We bring together educators, therapists, healers, kinksters, and curious folks who want to learn, unlearn, and build community around pleasure and justice. It’s part conference, part family reunion, part revival. People come to Sex Down South for the education—but they stay for the sense of belonging.
As a successful BIPOC educator, what piece of advice can you give other folks in marginalized communities when it comes to sex?
First: your pleasure is not a luxury—it’s a birthright. So much of what we’ve been taught about sex, love, and relationships has been filtered through racism, patriarchy, respectability politics, and religious shame. You’re allowed to question all of that.
Second: give yourself permission to move at your pace. You don’t owe anyone access to your body, your time, or your energy—not even in the name of “being liberated.” Liberation includes the freedom to say yes, no, not yet, or only under certain conditions.
And finally: find or build community. Healing around sex and intimacy is powerful, but it’s even more powerful when you’re surrounded by people who affirm your identities and your boundaries. You deserve spaces where you don’t have to explain your existence before you can talk about your desires.
Are there books or other resources you can recommend for those looking to better their relationships?
Yes, a few I return to often:
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – a fantastic guide to understanding desire, arousal, and the science of pleasure, especially for people socialized as women.
Polysecure by Jessica Fern – explores attachment and non-monogamy in a way that’s really grounded and compassionate.
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel – looks at why long-term relationships can struggle with desire and how to re-ignite eroticism.
Pleasure Activism by adrienne maree brown – not just about relationships, but about reclaiming pleasure as a political and spiritual act.
The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor – a powerful resource for dismantling body shame and cultivating radical self-love.
And beyond books: I always recommend working with trusted sex-positive therapists, educators, or coaches—especially folks who are trauma-informed and culturally competent.
What are common misconceptions people have about sex that you want to clear up?
A few big ones:
“Penetration is ‘real’ sex.”
Nope. Sex is any consensual, mutually pleasurable activity you and your partner(s) define as sex. Hands, mouths, toys, outercourse, kink—these all count.
“If we love each other, sex should be easy and spontaneous forever.”
Long-term desire ebbs and flows. Stress, kids, trauma, hormones, and life all impact libido. Scheduling intimacy, planning, and learning new skills are not signs that something is wrong—they’re signs that you’re invested.
“I should want sex the same way my partner does.”
People have different desire styles. Some are more spontaneous, some are more responsive. Neither is “better”; they’re just different patterns that need understanding and negotiation, not shame.
“If I use toys or watch porn or need fantasy, something is wrong with me.”
Many people use tools, imagination, and aids to enhance pleasure. The question isn’t “Is this bad?” but “Is this consensual, ethical, and aligned with my values?”
How do you feel we can be more inclusive and accepting in the kink communities?
We have to move beyond “We welcome everyone” as a tagline and actually build structures that support inclusion.
That means:
Listening to and centering BIPOC, trans, disabled, fat, and neurodivergent kinksters—not just inviting them, but putting them in leadership and paying them.
Creating clear codes of conduct, consent policies, and accountability processes for harm.
Making spaces physically and financially accessible: sliding scales, accessible venues, low-sensory options, and thoughtful scheduling.
Challenging racism, transphobia, ableism, fatphobia, and sexism when they show up in our scenes, our dungeons, and our social circles—especially in back-channel conversations where a lot of harm gets minimized.
Kink has the potential to be incredibly healing and affirming. To live up to that potential, the community has to be willing to do ongoing, uncomfortable work—not just wear a “We’re inclusive” badge.
Do you have any tips to offer anyone struggling with their libido as they get older?
Absolutely:
Redefine what “good sex” means.
As we age, bodies change—hormones, lubrication, erections, recovery time, pain levels, mobility. Instead of chasing your 20-year-old sex life, get curious about what feels good now. Expand your menu: outercourse, kink, sensual touch, toys, fantasy, roleplay.
Address stress and exhaustion.
Desire often doesn’t disappear—it gets buried under stress, resentment, caretaking, and overwork. Sometimes the sexiest thing you can do is rest, delegate, or have a real conversation about emotional labor.
Talk to qualified professionals.
A sex-positive medical provider, pelvic floor therapist, or hormone specialist can help rule out or address physical factors. A therapist or coach can help with relational or psychological factors.
Feed your erotic imagination.
Read erotica, listen to audio erotica, explore fantasies, or take workshops. Libido isn’t just a bodily function; it’s also creative energy that likes to be invited and inspired.
Be gentle with yourself.
There is nothing “wrong” with you for changing over time. Your erotic life doesn’t expire—it evolves.
How can people connect with you and find more about your offerings?
The easiest way to connect with me is through my website, where you’ll find my workshops, on-demand classes, coaching offers, and upcoming events. You can also join my email list to get updates about new classes, Sex Down South, and my business coaching programs.
If you search for “Marla Renee Stewart,” “Velvet Lips Sex Education,” or “Be Sexcessful,” you’ll find my platforms and ways to plug into my work—whether you’re looking to transform your intimate life, grow your sex-positive business, or both.
- MarlaReneeStewart.com | @1marlastewart on all social media
- VelvetLipsSexEducation.com | @velvetlipssxed on all social media (@velvetlipssexed on TT)
- SexDownSouth.com | @sdscon on IG/TT/YT | @sexdownsouth on FB | @sexdownsouthatl on X