Originally Posted: May 26, 2020
Me: “I'm scared.”
Miss Mackenzee: “Why are you scared?”
Me: “Because you're scary.”
Miss Mackenzee: “Why am I scary?”
And this is the foundation of my relationship with Miss Mackenzee. Or at least a very large part of it. Before any of you get your panties in a bunch: I consent to this. I helped build that foundation with Her. We had many conversations about how we wanted our dynamic to be and reached a mutual decision that She could take me at any time, anywhere. Of course if I am genuinely not in a space, physical or otherwise, I can stop what is happening. I have three hard limits: no amputation, nothing with live or dead bugs, and no making me sing (though if I sing on my own, that is okay).
I used to joke about how I wasn't allowed to lock my bedroom door. And most people that know Miss Mackenzee react in the same way; they tell me that I'm crazy or something similar. I could easily say that I love the fear and heavy play because it makes me feel alive much like adrenaline junkies and the reasons they give for doing the things they do. But it goes deeper than that. It’s trusting someone so deeply that you give them your body and mind to do with as they please. It’s knowing that they won’t go beyond limits. It’s knowing that every scene or interaction may not be what you wanted or go as planned but that you will be held safely. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy the adrenaline rushes or fear that Miss Mackenzee induces because I do. It turns me on when She has that devilish glimmer in Her eyes or when I hear Her evil giggle, which She claims She doesn’t have (She does).
What a lot of people don’t see though is the other side of Her. Watching a scene from a distance or seeing photos on the Internet, you can’t hear Her words. When I’m struggling through a needle scene or the sting of Her whip is getting more and more intense, She is right there with me. “Listen to the music.” “Dance with the whip.” “You can do it.” “Good girl.” Her words find their way through everything and hold me safely, helping me to breathe and let go. And when it’s all over, She wraps me up in a soft blanket, gives me a kiss, and cuddles me. We lay together until I’m ready (and able) to talk about the scene. I love this part because I know it is just as important to Her as it is to me that we share our favorite moments or maybe some things that didn’t work (for either of us). It is further evidence that I have given my submission to the right person and that She genuinely cares about making our dynamic enjoyable for both of us.
We have weekly conversations about our relationship and whether we both still want this, how we can make it better or stronger, and if there’s anything that either of us may need. “But Parker, didn’t you say earlier in this post that Miss Mackenzee can take you at any time, anywhere? And that you only have 3 hard limits?” Yes, I did. But that doesn’t mean the book is closed on how our relationship is structured. There is also way more to our dynamic than just the physical play we do. I never know what each day is going to bring but I know that it is always an adventure and I’m so lucky to be on it with Miss Mackenzee